How to Try Temperature Play During Sex

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You know in approximately 80% of movies from the early 90s when a dude runs an ice cube over his partner’s torso before sex? Or, you know, that one scene in Fifty Shades (we know, don’t start) when Christian gets Anna all hot and bothered with ice cubes from his white wine?

Yeah. Yep. Go on.

Temperature play is a favorite in BDSM. From hot wax, to ice, to fire, to getting hosed down, it’s all a part of the same set of turn ons. This play is not just for kinksters—anyone can do it. It’s a very good place to start, as long as you’re being safe.

Experimenting with hot and cold objects is an easy and affordable way to try sensation play. If you’re not one to jump right into spanking, handcuffs, blindfolds and other forms of kink, temperature play can ease you into the rougher stuff. It’s all in the same vein of heightened feeling and upping the ante on eroticism during sex.

Getting turned on and then getting off does not simply entail sticking an object inside of a vagina. Our bodies are complex. Take time to explore what turns you on. There are infinite possibilities.

Here is what you need to know about temperature play during sex.

Why we love it

Temperature play is appealing because of our heightened sensitivity to touch and sensation. Our brains become very primal when we’re turned on. We want sexual gratification and will do whatever we need to in order to get it. We want to touch and explore everything on ours and our partner’s body.

Feeling something cold (or hot) on certain areas sends a shock through the system. It’s something we’re not expecting. Experiencing that level of surprise increases blood flow and heart rate, only furthering our sexual intensity and desire.

It’s not just a shock that plays a role, but the flow of feeling. It is sensual exploration. When it’s hot AF outside, a feeling of coolness on our warm bodies is delightful. It’s relaxing and sexy. There is something extremely animalistic about your partner dragging something cold over your naked body.

Did someone turn up in the heat in here or is it just us?

Prime body spots for temperature play

There are lots of ways to utilize temperature play. Focus on your partner’s erogenous zones. We suggest starting with the chest, stomach or back. You never know how your partner will react to this type of intense sensation so, it’s better to stick with tough(er) areas of the skin.

Next, move to their nipples. The nipples are a hot zone (pun intended). Run the cold object around their nipples and then over each one. Take note of how your partner respond. If they are clearly is enjoying themselves, move down their body. Focus on the inner thighs and hip bones. If you want to engage their penis or vulva, do so last.

If you’re wondering where to start or aren’t sure what your partner might like, you can always ask them! Not everyone wants a frozen object or hot wax on their clitoris. Proceed with cautious enthusiasm.

How do you start?

Be aware of what you’re using for this kind of play. You do not just go and find a household candle and start dripping wax on your partner’s thighs. Nope. That is not the way to do it! You will wind up in the hospital with second degree burns. There are candles made for this specific purpose!

With temperature play, you should always start with cold before you move into hot. It’s about 9,000 degrees outside anyway. Cold is BAE.

In the morning, before you get down and dirty, make sure your ice trays are full and ready to go. Planning ahead is key. We recommend ice cubes as a starting off point. There is no mess and if you aren’t feeling it, you can always swallow the ice or throw it down the sink. No muss, no fuss.

If you’re interested in a lil’ sweetness, we suggest frozen strawberries or raspberries. You can find them in the frozen food section of the grocery store. Just don’t put the fruit up your or anyone else’s vagina. That is a yeast infection waiting to happen. Sexy, we know.

You can freeze sex toys, too

Who knew sex toys were better on ice? Certain pleasure products are simply amazing when frozen. Be sure to read the directions. For the most part, anything battery operated or with a motor should be left out of this. Putting a vibrator in the freezer can damage the battery.

See more: How to Find Your G-Spot

Instead, stick a stainless steel or glass G-spot wand in the freezer. Feeling a frozen toy running over your nipples and clitoris is seriously invigorating. You can also freeze silicone toys, but they won’t stay cold for as long. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Try new things and see what works for you!

Bonus idea: Try putting your favorite lube in the freezer. It makes everything tingle in just the right way.

Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, educator, and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.

Gigi Engle

The author Gigi Engle

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